The Lake of Desire

The night was dark, the moon shy. The world was empty after the entire day’s noisy bustle.  The cool wind ruffled the leaves of the trees, filling the air with rustling noise. It was only fitting that the silent life could finally vent out it’s fury. Each leaf seemed to scream aloud in pique, with the wind determined to carry the message as far as it could. The ambient silence only amplified the ruckus, and the wind hissed along in consternation. The night was raging.

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Read more at: The Best Of Halfway To Asphodel: 2015-2017!

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2 thoughts on “The Lake of Desire

  1. At first I wondered where it was going but it drew me in and held my interest. I felt the ambience of the location through the descriptive quality. What I enjoy with reading – and writing – is the deep-rooted ‘suggestion’ whose interpretation is solely down to the reader. For instance the moral for me was that grief or yearning promotes a belief in the impossible which ultimately ends in desolation. Conversely those who are unburdened by despair or desire have no need of pipe-dreams and function as nature intended.

    No doubt your intent is likely quite different and other readers will take something else from the story. This is what makes it so interesting in my opinion. I liked it and if you think about it you have all the components for a novel or short-story. The suspense could be built up as the ‘reveal’ wouldn’t be until the last chapter, the struggle to access the lake interpreted as benign, a warning not to proceed, yet on the surface appearing hostile for preventing progress. Perhaps the character doesn’t get to glimpse the lake until the penultimate chapter and is again forced back before the finale.

    This is of course just an honest personal opinion but I believe it has the potential to be expanded. Every writer has their own unique style so it would be wrong for me to try and influence your individuality. I hate these supposed ‘author schools’ that are basically teaching aspiring writers how to follow convention. They may serve a purpose with tips on grammar and a few ‘what-not-to-do’s’ that I learnt the hard way, but other than that I personally don’t want to be influenced. One of my first mistakes was writing what I thought people wanted rather than staying true to myself.

    Well you asked for feedback and I hope this helps.

    Liked by 1 person

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