Before I Sleep..

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The world is a drama where the actors are mute, the viewers blind and the writers deaf. The stage is set, the monotone is set but the expectations aren’t met. A sore thumb stands; watching, listening and blabbering in the world of the blind, deaf and mute. The day of life begins with promise, and often ends with disillusion. The show begins at dawn and ends when you sleep, but before I sleep..

Before I sleep, I want to take a stand. I want to speak out. For it is speech that moulds, words that motivate, ideas that build, and emotions that make us alive. For years I was quite like my books, full of words yet silent as a forgotten metaphor. I want to give life back to the words that were glorified by the pen but left redundant by the typewriter. I want to ditch the greys and take a stand. I want to make decisions and have no regrets about them.

Before I sleep, I want to fight. I want it to be known that my strength was not my body, which made me altogether stronger than many. I want to remain a step ahead, a thought process further and to plan next. I want to be challenged, because I know I am a flame and the challenges are nothing but gusts of wind to rouse me more. I want to wear my scars with pride and take my losses with respect and admiration. I want to be a warrior, a warrior of virtue.

Before I sleep, I want to win. I want to know what the world calls a triumph. I want to know what success means to the world. Because success makes the world know you and failure makes you know the world. I want to diversify into a hundred things, but divert into none. I want to stop trying to write my name on water, but use the water to etch my name into stone. I want to grow, develop, and succeed so that I can say, ‘I am what I am.’

Before I sleep, I want to make a difference. I am done standing still in an inferno of directionless travellers, watching time as it passes by. I am too tired of living each moment by simply counting it past – as if I had to repay the debt of time. I want to be the force of good change, a bringer of light into the darkest of times. I want to build, care, home and touch lives and be there, always. I want to be a change, or a catalyst.

Before I sleep, I want to give. In a society where we recognise many but know none, I want strangers to find their faith in humanity. I want to give a child a dream, and watch him go on and fulfill it. I want to give an old man hope that the world he lived in is in safe hands. I want to give opportunities to those who can’t afford one, I want to give a platform to those who want to jump, I want to give wings to those who want to fly. I want to give my kids the opportunity to continue a mission I began – to give for the better, and to the deserving.

Before I sleep, I want to cleanse the cobwebs and the settled dust glued to the remnants of my life. I want to freshen my memory, rinse myself, and create a manuscript that’ll transcend into time and memories – not for it’s length, but for it’s uniqueness. I want to clear the smog of the past so that I can let live my present and click my lips over the future.

Before I sleep, I want to revive the conversations buried deep inside the sands of time. Those unsaid words, the suppressed feelings, the lost confessions. I want to rekindle the fires olden, for they’re nobody’s friend  but are of everybody’s need. The olden fires are the hottest, and they burn without charring. They can burn away the regrets and heartaches, and leave you at peace with your past. I want to accept my past so that I can move into my future without disquiet.

Before I sleep, I want to love and want love back. I want to know how many people I must lose to finally belong, and to be loved. I want to break myself from the shackles of superficial love, of self-centered emotions and construed affections. For we’re fickle characters, drunk on the desire of love, not love itself. I want to find the one without losing myself multiple times in the process. I want to embrace love to the extent that love falls in love with me.

Before I sleep, I want to be happy. I want to find my solace – be it books, sports, art, music, dance, or adrenaline. I want to find and build my temporary cocoon around things I love the most, so I know where to go to seek respite, seclusion and peace. I want to smile for the silliest reasons, laugh at the petty instances and enjoy every little thing life has to offer. I want to simply, be happy.

Before I sleep, I want to live. I want to have a heart to live in, a character to truly trust, and a mind to purely comprehend the mess my consciousness is. I want to live, love, be happy, and walk into the night with complete satisfaction. I want to be the life of someone, for loneliness isn’t the lack of companionship in life, it is the lack of life in your companions. As the sun sets in the horizon, I want to raise my cup. But not yet, not yet. I want to convert my wants into needs. I will convert my wants into deeds. When I do sleep, do not weep, for I’ll have taken all I could reap.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   
But I have promises to keep,   
And miles to go before I sleep,   
And miles to go before I sleep.
– Stanza from Robert Frost’s poem,
(Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening)

Author: Vishvaraj Chauhan

I read, I write. I slip and I slide. I live and I laugh. I love to listen to music, think about every thing that my brain thinks worthy of mentioning and take up a little too much load. But hey, that's why I'm here! The sage in a cage.

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