“A string of letters, a yarn of words;
Truths and lies and sayings of sorts.
Knitting together a tapestry of swords;
Feeling and fueling the flames of hordes.“
Honours were at stake, a war was to be fought. A murder was to be avenged, justice was to be served. When Mark Antony began his speech at Julius Caesar’s funeral, it was more than a friend giving an eulogy to a fallen friend, or a disciple seeking justice over an assassination. Shakespeare’s pen had created the ideal stage to understand how the conundrum of trust worked, ranging from the exclamatory realisations of rupture (“Et tu, Brute?”) to it’s salvation. But it made one thing quite clear to me – that trust feeds on words. Or maybe words hold an invisible control over trust. I haven’t quite decided yet.
How does one explain trust? Is it the seamless transition from frivolous titter tatter to deep exchanges of one’s inner hues? Or maybe it is the safety bracket of a certain presence, always there? I don’t actually agree completely with any of these. Trust, for me is the sincerity in a promise, the knowledge of one’s needs, the value in a relationship and the fear – yes, fear – of abandonment or drifting away. In other words, when we are at the sea of life, trust is the oar which drives you to a shore.
“The sea was selfish, he could have sworn;
Doesn’t let you swim with the crown.
But as shortly as you’re dead and forlorn;
Nor even will it let you drown.“
How ever changing is the definition of trust for some. Some days, it is the fulfilling of needs; while on the other it is the righteousness of deeds.Why does our idea of trust throw us into a cocoon of hiding? Yes, trust is meant to be a strength, a protective armour to watch one’s back. But it isn’t meant to hide us from the ones we want to trust and ourselves! The act of ‘breaking of trust’ is more used as an accusatory threat or a manipulative jibe these days. Trust is double edged sword which can be very helpful as well as very harmful. Trust is an animal which can be the most ferocious in war – by the virtue of it’s stability and also because of it’s potential of damage due to betrayal – but once tamed into your dealings, it will catch you when you’re falling and push you up when you’re drowning.
Trust is something which can only be truly shared in it’s full potential when you trust yourself. So when you enter a relationship and talk about trusting someone, never mistake it with the other person being a dump yard of your feelings and experiences you don’t want to deal with. ‘How, and whom to truly trust?’, I found myself asking. And the answer, came to me in a swift swirl of mundane inspiration – the heart, the mind, the eyes. School only managed to teach me that the eyes are for reading things, the mind is for learning and the heart is for pumping. Life taught me that the eyes can be read, the mind can be learned from and that the heart can bleed too. Trust these three, and they will teach you to trust.
“Loaded with loads and loads of loads;
With the weight threatening to disembody.
For the dead man in the dead sea showed;
The weight was life, not the body.“
Life has it’s fulcrum gently positioned around the people in your life. People adapt, accept, tolerate, appreciate and worship people. There will be many people who will adapt for you. That, however doesn’t mean they accept you. Also, if someone says they tried to accept you but refrain from telling you where upon you can improve, they haven’t really accepted you. Acceptance does not mean mere tolerance, and it surely does not mean that change cannot be induced with acceptance. Figuring out where you stand in the lives of others gives you a fair idea of your own placing.
There are always going to be only a handful of true friends – no matter how many people you know and how huge your coteries are. Someday when the call comes, and you do realise that people are not what they told you they were, or not even what they decided to show you they are, sit down and reflect. Reflect not on what you could have done better with them, but on how you can do better than them. Let the tears flow, if they come. Tears and time are the brothers of a new start, a clean slate. Tears are nature’s time-turners.When it comes to people, the sands of time shall wipe things away and after you clean the sands, you have a clean slate, ready to be drawn upon again. Time doesn’t however, balm the cracks on you. It only dries them out, so they’re rendered lifeless, sometimes to be cut open again.
“If faith can move mountains, say oh lord!
Why tempt, build and mould evil?
Afraid about who will pray to you, god;
If there was no devil?“
I have often thought about an audience with someone who knows what I don’t as a chat till eternity. And safe to say, I’ve found bits and pieces of such chats in humans, nature and myself. So according to that notion, an all knowing God is nothing but all knowledge divided finely into each living being. Because if you have knowledge, you take actions. You take actions, you make errors, you get wisdom. Nothing earns you more wisdom than the shenanigans of the Game of Trust. Wisdom is a reservoir of knowledge which knows when to come up to the surface. True wisdom catches most people unawares, mostly the protagonist. Thus, for me, this is the idea of an all knowing entity, because if an action taking God did exist, I doubt he would be rather happy with the current world’s affairs.
“The lone nomad of the fading night;
Prepares to say adieu in the morning.
For what he tried to say with all his might;
Was all to be mistaken as mourning.“
Actions and deeds do define the shades of trust, but if there is one ideal which has a very interesting connection with trust, it’s honesty. Deep down I feel that we’re living in a Stone Age, repeating itself. It’s just that I prefer a Stone Age where our tools were stone and hearts flesh, rather than our hearts stoned and tools flesh. Honesty and trust have a very queer relationship – trust inspires honesty and honesty gives back substance to trust. Honesty is the best policy. It may not be a mass appealing and appeasing one, but it sure leaves you with no conscience driven what ifs. However, it also isn’t a regret proof policy. It sure does give you a fair share of regrets. But the power of honesty to be sturdy in a storm and fluid in disturbances is crucial in a trusting relationship.
Trust is one of man’s foremost requirements in love and happiness. These three are intertwined like the sky, stars and the earth, even the earth looks up to find the stars, and the sky has it’s need to protect the earth. Trust finds it’s way into love and life, just the way a words find way into a writer’s soul. A writer hides in his words like a caterpillar in it’s cocoon, like a joey in it’s mother’s pouch, like a lover in his beloved. Life’s games are hot and fiery, but none like the one man plays since he is born, the day he makes a tryst with trust.
“Falling and stumbling, he is done;
Charred and burnt and ripe with thirst.
‘Cause life plays a fiery game with some;
For they’ve made a tryst with trust.“