The day to day monotone of an individual often relies on unconventional methods to make it viable. Then again, conventionality is a relative term, with it’s definition changing as a perceiver changes. Considering the monotone as a terrain, with peaks and valleys, plateaus and plains gives a handy idea. The valley following a peak may often be harmful. You can navigate that by either cutting off the peak; which unsurprisingly none of us want to; or by filling in the valleys. Perhaps the most common way to fill these valleys are the receiving of assurances, trust, love and appraisal. And none of the aforementioned gifts are guaranteed. So what does one do!? Either hit the floor hard or at least create a temporary cushion not exactly lasting, but good enough to absorb the fall? The cushion is often
imaginary fake assumed.
I find the very concept of assumptions lazy. Everything about it is lazy. The process, the accusations, the benefits. I even refuse to accept it as a legitimate term. ‘Assumptions’, in my view is the greater roof which encloses the more astute subordinates – estimates, presumptions and conjectures. Granted, all three are based on incomplete information, but anyone with a substantial experience of life knows that the probability of you knowing everything about something is next to zero. Somewhere, sometime, someplace; we all assume. You go to sleep every night assuming that your body will function properly all night so that you wake up well and alive. You assume that your family will love you, support you; that your friends will help you and that things will eventually be all right.
Every relationship to me is two people reading each other as a book. Reading the tales, the embarrassments, the triumphs, the happiness and the sadness. Of course, then comes the shortcomings of how many chapters one opens up to someone. Someone may not want to be an open book, while some are. And when your counterpart is an open book, he needs your words to write a chapter about you in his story. Consider it such, that your counterpart requires an emotional influx from you. It’s a mandatory part of all deep, meaningful relationships. Now, he demands an influx at a rate quite faster than the rate you’re willing to provide at. That makes it difficult to be blunt and straight, and he does need answers. So in his mind he has voids. He fills them with his next best option, judgment and assumptions – which are mostly based on close observation of your traits and behaviour. Since he has built temporary conclusions which many times he isn’t consciously aware of, he refrains from poking for more influx. And as usual, you’re inclined to keeping cards close to your chest. This creates a divide – something which happens to every relationship.
And the thing is, if he assumes, he doesn’t actually realise that he’s doing it. For him it’s the absolute godly sense of self righteous intellect that tells him that he’s figured this out, and since from his view point the gaps he has filled make sense, he declares them astute. As an aftermath, his notion about the relationship he shares with you becomes tinted, and he tries to fit everything into the narrative he has in his mind. And when one situation pops up which doesn’t fit into the narrative, he ends up in a fix. Either he questions his narrative he is quite convinced of, or he confronts you. You end up astounded, amazed and often offended about the things he has assumed about you. In your own place, you have a right to be hurt and angry. But if you ask him to explain, as to why he made such assumptions, the things he may tell you can shake your world, and change how you look at yourself, and often change how you portray yourself. This doesn’t happen in every relationship, of course. It takes a high level of understanding between the two parties to reach this level. Because even assumptions need a platform of information, knowledge of the partner’s smaller habits and obvious traits. Assumptions often create a domino effect, one small assumption paves way for bigger, larger assumptions to shoot in.
Such a situation is quite essential, to take your relationship to a deeper level. It’s a mark of the strength of the bond between two people that one has the confidence to indulge and assume about the other, and believe that he/she is correct.
Assumptions are crude, and accusations of being assuming are rude. Let’s not assume that the assumptions made are baseless, for you’d never assume that you may be at the fault as well. Assuming that – one is mature enough to talk out of a mess and make the initial assumption – that eventually everything is gonna be all right- become a reality.